Bittersweet

Well, the school year is drawing to a close and I am so happy! But, then again, this time of year is a bittersweet time for me. My Seniors' last day is this Friday. While I am happy for them and their accomplishments, I realize that they are stepping out into the "Big World" and sadly, some of them I may never see again when the graduation festivities (including trip)are over. Of course, some of them may never stray far from Belzoni, but I know some of them may venture far away from here. And, I want them to be all that they can possibly be. Now is the time to set their sights on their futures and make the most of it. I digress here........ the year after my class graduated, we lost one of our classmates. He was loved by all of us and there are still many moments when I think of him and wonder....... where would he be today? It was one of the hardest things my classmates and I ever had to deal with. And, sadly, the reality of "we are not kids anymore" hit us in the face like a ton of bricks. Of course, I know he is in a far grander place than me, but still it still makes me sad to think of Joey because he had such a bright future ahead of him. He really was taken too young. I hope this senior class will stay in touch with each other. Many of them are so close......... it seems almost silly to think they will ever grow apart.

So, anyway.......... this time of year is exciting, but when it is all over, it is like letting the air out of a balloon. And, to add to this......... I am not returning to teaching next year. I am taking a much needed break. I have been feeling a tad burnt out for some time now. Not many people know, that I have been struggling with a mixture of depression, anger, and just a general feeling of craziness since February. (It all started with that crazy Last Will and Testament.) I just feel that I need a break. So, when I post my final grades this May, I will be posting them for the last time. I do not know what the future holds for me. I know that I plan to focus more on my family and helping Brookie with his business. So, you could say I am at a crossroads or a "fork in the road". I am at peace with my decision because it was not made without much praying and waiting on the Lord to speak. I have poured over His word looking for an answer, but strangely His answer came in a series of small events over the past several weeks. It's almost like He gave me His answer in small tidbits. So, I hope now everyone that prayed for me can appreciate why they were praying. Now......... may I address some feedback I am getting........... I have been getting the same response from many people......... they don't want me to leave, I am such a great influence for the students.......... now, first of all I would like to say thank you. And, secondly, even though I dearly appreciate every kind word I have heard, I still feel nothing but peace with my decision. So, sorry! Another thing that I want to address......... Many people, I believe, give me too much credit. I really almost shudder everytime someone says how wonderful I am and how I am the only God some children see. I realize these comments are meant as compliments and I should really appreciate them, and I genuinely do. But, I shudder to think of the person I really am without Christ. Any good thing you see in me is because of Him, and Him alone .........because I really am the chief of sinners.

One verse that I have been given lately is this one...........
"Consider it sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. If you don't know what you are doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open". James 1:2-8 (The Message)

I do believe with all my heart that I am making the best decision. I am going to miss my students and I will continue to pray for them ........ that they become everything God wants them to be. We do not know what our future holds, but we do know that God has a plan for each of us that He will bring to perfection one day.

In closing......... especially to my students...........
"Every time you cross my mind, I break out in exclamations of thanks to God. Each exclamation is a trigger to prayer. I find myself praying for you with a glad heart. I am so pleased that you have continued on in this with us, believing and proclaiming God's Message, from the day you heard it right up to the present. There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears". Philippians 1:3-6 (The Message)

Music is the balm for my soul and this is what I have been listening to over and over for at least a week............. Chris Tomlin's "Let Your Mercy Rain"
God You have done great things......... God You give grace to the weak
And bless the brokenhearted with a song of praise to sing
You reached down and lifted us up
You came runnin lookin for us
And now there's nothing and noone beyond your love
You're the overflow You're the fountain of my heart
So, let your mercy rain on us

You're the faithful one when my world is falling apart, so let your mercy rain on us.............